In September of my first semester in New York, I read Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion. The last essay is titled “Goodbye To All That.” It is a goodbye letter to New York City as she details her feelings moving away from New York City after living there for 8 years. I read this in my first month in New York and instantly felt connected to it. I knew it was an omen. I think I knew that my time in New York would come to an end after I graduated.
I realized fairly quickly that I was different from the people I went to school with who grew up on the East Coast. These people grew up with New York City as the closest big city to them. Joan Didion saw this too and wrote, “I am not sure that it is possible for anyone brought up in the East to appreciate entirely what New York, the idea of New York, means to those of us who came out of the West and the South.” New York isn’t just a city, it’s the embodiment of dreams and art and freedom. It’s very romantic, the notion of it all. I wanted it so badly and for four years, I got it.
Naturally, as my time in New York got closer to the end, I started falling in love with it. The people, the train, the food, the drinks, the park, all of it became brighter in my life. I started enjoying the mundane way of living. I subconsciously started acting like a New Yorker rather than a transplant. The first year or so in New York I kept telling myself “I never want to take this for granted.” So I did tons of exploring and grabbed onto everything New York had to offer. But by doing this, I never felt settled. Never felt like I was home. It wasn’t until my Junior year that I started acting like this is the place where I live. And it’s okay to take some of it for granted because it is exhausting to feel like you have to do everything all the time. It’s not a way to live. It’s not a way I want to live.
I started going to the grocery story every Sunday. I journeyed from the Bronx to the Upper West Side and had my little routine where I’d get coffee and go to Trader Joe’s then stop at Shakespeare and Co. bookstore if I had enough time. I observed all the people walking beside me. Neighbors that stopped to chat. Dogs that frequented the bookstore. The barista that makes my vanilla oat latte right and the barista that doesn’t. I really loved this area. It felt like my neighborhood as well. I will miss it so dearly.
It was also in this last year that I developed a love for the subway system. I’m a firm believer that you can get anywhere in Manhattan in about 13 minutes. Those guys who built the subway system back in the olden days deserve medals of honor. It’s genius. They really knew what they were doing. Could you imagine New York City without the subway? It wouldn’t be New York City. It’d be just some island. It’s genius and I will miss it.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art. Home sweet home. I went here a lot freshman year, less so in recent years. But it still felt like home. My freshman year was Covid so tourists were sparse and it felt like I had the museum to myself. I’d go every week and explore new crevices of the museum and find new artworks to fawn over. It was a source of wonder for me and inspired me to study Art History. I will continue to explore art museums wherever I go, but I doubt any will be as special as my favorite museum in the world.
In a concrete jungle (where dreams are made of) I found slivers of nature in the Botanical Garden and Central Park. The Botans were right across from my campus in the Bronx. I went there to take breaks from studying or to get Vitamin D in the winter. I love the Botans in the fall and spring because of the colors, but nothing is more peaceful than the Botans in the winter. It’s 30 degrees so no one is there, except me in multiple layers of clothes. It’s nice to sit in the quiet with nothing but my thoughts to keep me warm. In many ways, Central Park is the opposite. There’s always something happening. There’s always thousands of people running or walking or biking. It’s people watching at its finest. For all the talk about Central Park, it truly lives up to the hype.
I’ve been home in Houston for three nights now and I’ve already had two dreams about New York. I welcome these visits in dreams, because it will be awhile until I’m back in New York. I want to get my life started here in Houston. Houston is home, but I’ll always think fondly of my love affair with New York.
Joan Didion wrote “Goodbye To All That” in 1967 but moved back to New York in 1988. Perhaps I’ll follow this trajectory and move back one day. But for now, it will always be Texas or Nowhere. Yeemotherfuckinghaw.
I love you New York. Goodbye,
Annie
So well written, like all your pieces. Congratulations on graduation and on getting the most out of your time in the Big Apple. You'll always have that!
I love you dear heart! This is brilliant and warm and so you! Thank you for sharing this :)